I met my cookie again tonight. After... what? How many months was it? Wala na akong time para i-look up at bilangin. Basta, to make the story short, nagkita kami, with the original intention of returning the books that we borrowed from each other last time, and he said he would like to watch a movie with me. But it turned out na alibi niya lang daw yung books para makita ako at makausap. Hindi niya rin tinanggap yung mga isasauli ko sanang statistics book and some "Business Policy" handouts. Sa'kin na lang daw yun.
Simula nang madatnan niya ako dun sa NR1 na nagsi-sing-along with my Korean music video collections, mabibilang lang yung mga sinabi niya. Halos hindi siya nagsasalita kung hindi ko uunahan. He just kept on looking at me, watching what I'm doing, which comprised primarily of surfing the slow, stupid internet, and singing and dancing along with the playing music videos. And then he went out for about three times because someone was calling on him on the phone. On the last time he got out, he entered from the back door, and sat on a chair near that door. I just went on singing and dancing and surfing dahil ayaw naman daw niyang manood ng movie.
And then suddenly, the lights were turned off. Natigilan ako, at looked out at the overhead window of that room, asking myself "brownout?" only then I realized na hindi naman pala brown upon seeing the corridor lights still open. And then I realized that it was him who turned off the lights on purpose for he was sitting beside the switch. Nagbiro pa ako, by copying Jang Geun Suk's line from "You're Beautiful" saying, "Go Mi Nam, I have night blindness. I can't see anything when the light is off." And then I just laughed and went back to my internet surfing.
Before I realized it, he stood up, walked towards me, and as soon as he could, reached and hugged me. I was stupefied for the second time, and for some reasons, as if my laptop was an extension of me, natigil din ang music that was currently playing.
I asked him what's wrong, and all he could answer was "I'm sorry."
I did not expect that to happen, but it actually happened. He was there, right in front of me, hugging me, saying sorry, saying he missed me, and, for the first time, shed tears in front of me. I asked him why he would miss me, eh hindi naman kami masyadong nagkakasama even way back. He answered that he missed my texts messages. I tried to free myself once, but he just hugged me tighter. There was nothing left I could do, but to tap his back, and to tell him "It's okay", and telling him to stop crying.
He later sent me home, and even carried my laptop, na hindi niya naman ginagawa dati.
So, how was it like, Flame? Being hugged by Mark Lee Quinanola himself, nang ganun kahigpit?
Well, how should I describe it? There was no sudden bust feelings. Maybe, if he did this about two months ago, I would have felt a more intense reaction. Tonight, I have confirmed that the little silly child inside of me is gone; that a lot inside of me has changed. I was no longer hoping to have him back, but of course, this is much better than not being reconciled, right?
But then, as soon as i got home, negative stories naman from other friends filled my ears. Ako naman, just smiled throughout the story. Those stories were no longer new to me, no longer a threatening bomb.
Anyway, maybe our friendship didn't really end after all. Or maybe, it did end, and this we have right now could be a brand new one.
+'flame
- excerpt from my journal (12:22 AM 11/19/2012)
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